3/14/17

That Moment When I Stop Comparing Myself to Others


Hey everyone!

It's been a while since I wrote my post in English. It was about... months ago? I can't remember. But now, I decide to write this post in English. Why, you ask? The reason is because I need responses as many as possible in various point of views. I thought writing in English can help my voice to be heard internationally.

This time, I'm gonna tell you my journey on finding who I really am. It's the journey and process of not comparing myself anymore to other people.



I wrote this several times on my blog. But yeah, I will write this again. This year, I turned to be a 25-year-old gal in February. Time flies so fast, huh? Yeah, it does. But I feel like my time growing up stopped when I was 22 years old. After that, all my dreams seem crashed. It's only because of one thing: I haven't graduated.

Year by year, I always set this goal of graduating and get my bachelor degree. I also pinned "losing weight" as my goal like every-single-damn-year. 

But, what happened? Nothing. Nothing happened. I assume that I'll always be like this. A lazy fatty girl that don't have any bachelor degree which gonna take her life to the next level.

I begin comparing myself to others


This shitty thoughts don't just stop like that. At this age, many of my friends already graduated from college and got some jobs. Some of them are already married and have babies. But among them, who I envy most are those friends who finally lose their weight, have this beautiful feed on Instagram, and upload those photos when they study abroad.

While me, you can see what am I doing here, right? I'm complaining about my life. I burn out of jealousy and blame myself for not being what I dream about when I'm in my 25.



What am I gonna do? Stop being optimistic and wait for some miracles that about to happen soon after I do nothing about my life? I wish. But, no. Hell no I can. There's no way that I can just lay down and waking up with this what I think as beautiful body, plus a package of my bachelor degree with a "happy graduation" wraps it prettily?

Ain't never gonna happen.

That moment when I just... stop.


Then I just stop. I stop... and think. Why do I feel like this? It hurts, and for some reasons, it destroys me from the inside. I can stop right now or this toxic thoughts of comparing myself to others will make everything even worse.


Then I feel something. Something that I never felt before. This time, I'm sure, it's a good thing to feel this kind of feeling.

1. I start to wear the clothes that represent me


Before, I considered too many things before put my clothes on. I often asked and said something myself like "Do I look okay with this?", "This hijab didn't cover my big arms", "I look bigger with this outer. I should change". It was... exhausting. So I stop wearing something that I'm not comfortable with just to "cover" my flaws. This body represent me so I live with it and take care of it on my way.

2. I work on what I really love

"You should've study natural science. You can earn much more money"
"Why do you write? It's just words. No one read anyway. It's useless"
"Language? There are thousands of translation application. Why do you even bother learning language?"

You know what? I don't give a shit anymore. I love learning languages. It's fun, it gives me opportunity to learn more things other than "just" language. I can connect with people globally, having an international friendship, and it's easier for me to understand cultures all over the world. 

I love writing. I can share thoughts and stories through my write. A friend from Paris told me on facebook messanger that my blog post titled "24" helped her to be more confidence and not giving up on her dreams. It was so touching. I never knew that I could be able to change perspective of people by writing.

The best part, they're happy with my write... and that's my happiness too.

3. I don't mind what other people might say about me


Before or even up until now people still tell me that my decisions are wrong. I have to be like this and like that. Like I said on point 2, their words don't bother me that much now. They criticize my choice of healthy life, what I should wear, said that I'm not pretty enough, I look older than my actual age, even I can't get a boyfriend. Meh. I'm tired with all those judgements. Bye.

4. I socialize and network better

I usually felt underestimate with myself JUST BECAUSE I'm not like other people. I mean, my body size, sometimes it bothers me. But now, I feel like it's just what's in my head. I judged myself too much and I couldn't go for challenges because I felt ashamed of myself. So I push myself to go forward, take those challenges, meet new people, and try to connect more. This gets me to the next level of networking.

5. I'm happy just to be me

In which level do you love yourself? If you ask me, well, it's above 70%. I love me and I care about myself. That's the only way I can be happy with someone else too. If I can't love myself enough, how do I expect someone else can give me happiness? People don't give that kind of thing to us. It's us who feel grateful for what they do for us. Life seems way easier to get through when we're happy with ourselves.


Also read: It's Alright

And that's all my thoughts about getting into the real me. I may not be able to totally not comparing myself to other. But as the time goes by,  I will try. I will always try to be better and leave all those bad thoughts behind. Let's moving forward and be the real us.

See you on the next post!

2 comments:

  1. I love ur writings, too! Perjalanan utk sampai ke tahap 'love ourself 100%' memang kaya rollercoaster sih. Pasti ada up & down yah, i feel you. Tapi memang mesti dijabanin; dipaksakan. Kadang yg paling bikin ampuh tuh dgn ngeliat orang2 yang keadaannya serba kekurangan. Sukses bikin aku malu udh ngeluh ini itu hehe. Semangat faaa! :)

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    Replies
    1. Biaaaaaa thank you very much :'D

      Iya Bi, kayanya dengan menunduk ke bawah, kita malah bisa introspeksi diri buat lebih sering bersyukur :')

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