The Insecurity

Have you ever had/have the feeling of being insecure? Do you ever analyze yourself about how can you be insecure of something? In what kind of thing that you feel the insecurity comes to you all of sudden?

I've ever felt insecure. I still do feel it, actually. There are so many things I'm insecure in. First, it's about the social acceptance. I'm an easy going person, to be honest. Not because I feel like I'm easy going but my friends say so. I can adapt easily in a new place or new society, as long as I feel that that's a right place for me and I meet great people there. But, sometime I have insecurity about those people (in the new place or in the new society I live) talk bad about me on my back. I'm worried like they will say to one another that actually I don't belong there or I'm not pretty enough or I'm not skilful enough to join with them.

Another think about the insecurity that I feel is about... my relationship. Not just between me and my bf, but also with my friends and my best-friends. I'm afraid about not being able to be who they want, to be who they need, and the most thing I'm afraid of in being in relationship with them is being boring. OMG that's awful. I'm not pretty girl. I felt embarrassed when I had to do KPop dance in Global Culture Festival 2014 and rocked the stage with the choreography of Roly Poly that sang by T-Ara. I felt really embarrassed! I couldn't even watch the video of me dancing on that stage. I'm lack of confident when I watched it. Um, actually I wasn't that scared on stage. But still... I think I'm not good. No. I-really-am-not.

Talking about insecurity, I shared it for several times to S. He said that the insecurity that came to someone can be caused by the lack of confidence. Being less confidence on stage will surely make you nervous if you have to give speech there, for example. Another reason that S told me is about trust. You have to trust that people won't do bad things as long as we do the best for all. Open communication is the best method to make it go and disappear. We have to discuss about the insecurity that we feel to people whom we feel insecurity on. The soon they know why, the soon we get solution from them and our relationship with other people will go great.

Here's the quote that I take from Diana Rikasari's blog:

Because other girls look more beautiful, other girls wear better clothes, other girls walk in higher heels and have bigger hair. Because other people will judge you, talk bad about you behind your back, doubt your competence and hate you for no reason. No no, life isn't that sad. Life is beautiful and it only happens once. Your life is in your control. Own it. Have kindness in your heart and be forgiving. 

Age beautifully, happy girls. Because happy girls are the prettiest. ❤️

And a little message for me to the beloved one(s), Thank you for:
  1. Believing me as the girl who can make your day brighter when it starts to get dark.
  2. Giving me the warmth when it starts to cold and the freshness out of boring days.
  3. Taking care of me and teaching lots of stuffs that useful for my life and career.
  4. Making me believe that each and every girl has their own beauty, including me.
  5. Being the first person who listen to all those shitty stories and grumbles of mine.
  6. Joking the problem we have and get the solutions after a very long talk.
  7. The bond that we make, the friendship that we build, and the love that we have.
Sincerely, H.

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