The Declaration of Moving On

I rarely uploading photos with him recently. Not because I don't love him anymore, but I feel like it's not that necessary to show off. I will just let people know that I'm still in relationship. That's all.

These past three years, I've been dealing with his past. Yes, his ex. I know what you think. No, I'm not a psycho or anything. But the thoughts of her sometime get so disturbing. I never told publicly on blog about her like her real name or some other details. I only posted about her ignorance on one post and I deleted as soon as she said that she read that. 

I can show you, but I don't want to. It's too childish.

The thing is, I was in a position where I didn't feel like I was doing something wrong. But apparently, my boyfriend's ex thought that I was the cause of she and my boyfriend brake up. Well, I was close with my boyfriend before he finally be with me. So close, that I knew some stories about him that his ex-girlfriend didn't know.

Why? Because it's one sided relationship. He needed to be heard, but his ex-girlfriend didn't pay that much attention.

Me, as someone who (once again) apparently close to him, can be a good listener and adviser for him. And that cause "something" in each of us.

You see where it goes.

After my boyfriend's brake up and our relationship started, problems and drama seem ups and downs. I hate it. Simply because it's exhausting. To be the one who was blamed at that time, that kind of feeling was shitty. I felt so disturbed by his ex and his ex's friend who joined the game. What the f- hell.

And deep down, I felt so guilty. It's crazy. Sometime she appeared out of no where on my dream. Like, wtf. Maybe because until now, I didn't get any chance to send my apologize face to face with her. And I compare myself to her A LOT. I really want to be hundred steps better than her.

But now, I finally be able to declare that I officially moved on. How can I feel like I finally moved on?

Simple. There's no more wondering anymore. I finally become someone that happy on my own. I don't need someone else's life to be the validation of my happiness. I'm happy on my own and I'm beyond happy with my relationship. So happy, that I don't need anyone validation to validate the parameter of happiness in my relationship with my boyfriend.

Because we're not just a couple, we're team, best-friends, and partners. For example, this blog can't be like this if my boyfriend didn't help me with those technical HTML thing so whats-ever. It's only an example. There are already tons of things that we work on.

That's why when I get my cappucino this morning before a meeting with my client, I told him:
Being with you is like drinking this cappucino. It felt bitter at the first sip, but then it tastes good when you keep drinking it

But yeah, I moved on. Actually, I'm moving on. Because it's a process. It feels good. So good, that I think I will have a straight face if I meet her one day. LOL.

Have you ever felt this too before? Let me know on the comment box down bellow. See you on the next post!

Post a Comment


Lourdes said…
Rumit ya, mbak. Terkadang saya juga bisa berselisih paham dengan diri sendiri. Perihal sama dengan yang mbak Hanifa alami dalam mengambil keputusan: keep guilty or move on. Sementara saya tahu perasaan bersalah tidak bisa membenarkan atau merubah keadaan, bagi saya move on masih sesuatu yang sulit dijalani.

Semoga mbak bisa jadi lebih kuat untuk kedepannya, ya.
Hanifa said…
Terima kasih banyak Mbak :')

Susahnya move on lebih baik kita rasakan daripada tidak berusaha move on sama sekali :')
titaz said…
well, we are responsible for our happiness :)

Salam kenal :)
Hanifa said…
Absolutely. Salam kenal juga ;)
Lucky Caesar said…
I am glad to know that you have moved on. Love yourself and be proud of it. 😊 i know how hard to moved on from something that you think you can't control over it, but time goes by, slowly but sure, you can make it 😊 like what i did with my past. Nice sharing. Salam kenal yaaa 😀 i like your blog. Such a deep feeling in every single word. 😁
Hanifa said…
Thank you so much Lucky! Yes, it takes time and sometime I feel like I do this back and forth. But at lease I'm progressing. Hehehe. Salam kenal juga Lucky 😊
erny's journal said…
Semangat hanifa! Setuju banget kalau kamu bilang nggak perlu validasi untuk kebahagiaanmu. BTW, jangan lelah jadi dirimu sendiri dan tak perlu melelahkan diri untuk harus menjadi lebih dan lebih dan lebih dari ex hehe.
Hanifa said…
Siaaaaaaaap 💪

Jangan berhenti buat jadi lebih baik 💪