Learning to Forgive Myself

Lately, I've been bothered by too many things. I can't count how many they are anymore because there are so many of them. Inside my head, I keep recalling all the bad memories, all the bad things I've experienced lately. Last Ramadan was the toughest Ramadan ever. I felt like a loser. I was in such difficult time, but all I did was doing nothing about it.

Starting with such a bitter experience, when I expected too much about getting a job in a company that I've been dreaming about. I was like an inch-far to get there. But, what did happen? I lost it. Right in front of my eyes. My heart was ripped because of my own expectation. And I lost another main freelance project too because I thought I was gonna get a new job in an "office".

I never wanted to be in that same place anymore. This time, what I want to do is another fresh start-over. Lucky for me, I have some side projects that can pay the bills. I also save some money for the next few months. I realize that I need to hustle, so I don't wait up for opportunity. I need to get there by approaching it. I can't just sit back and relax to get it. So, I've been making myself busy by creating some my own side projects.

Lately, I really am into creating content for this blog and my social media. I know, I haven't showed too much of a progress. I'm still in the process to create the projects I've been working on. I'm so lucky that I have this blog as my stress healing, my main source of happiness and productivity. I can say that I'm proud to be able to have this blog, networking with a lot cyber friends and be able to be friends in real world.

Alright, I'm crying now. I don't know why. I feel like there are so many things need to be lifted up. Not only about my career, but also about myself. I need to learn to forgive myself for what I've done in the past. When I look back, all I do is blaming myself for the mistakes that I did. What I want to do more now is looking for the great things I've done and project them as the reasons to move forward.

This quarter life crisis is still going on. But I won't give up just like that. I have Allah with me. I have my family and friends that love and motivate me every time I get upset of my own condition. I don't need to compare myself too much to other people's life. It's like killing myself slowly if I continue to do that. I will move forward by maximizing my potentials.

So, yes, this is another moment to start over! Anyone feeling the same thing? Share with me on the comment section down bellow, alright? See you on the next post! 

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Hanifa said…
Kirstie Wheeler: OMG thank you very much! Actually what you were saying there kinda motivating me :')
Hanifa said…
Giulia Malano: Thank you!
*Sending* super duper tight huggg :')
Hanifa said…
Rahma: *peluuuuuuuuuuuuk*
agi pranoto said…
love, always remember when a door closed on you, there's another door open somewhere. don't give up. love xo.
Virly Ka said…
Haniiii ai fil yuh, hug jauh
Hanifa said…
Agi: I won't give uppp 💖 InsyaAllah there will be other chances :')
Hanifa said…
Mbak Virly: Mbaaaakkkkk *peluuukkk*