The Thought of Separation

Everytime I think about separation, I always think about my well being. How can I through this situation without any kind of stupid drama? How would I survive without anyone noticing that I’m in a very bad condition the past few weeks? How will I heal when every second of my life is thinking about my mistakes and what I’ve done wrong to my loved ones.

I have never experienced a tough broke up before. This recent break up was just stupid for me. I don’t know. I just don’t understand how can someone that I’ve been in relationship with for over 5 years would cut me over the text and decided to leave on his own. Quitting without telling what he felt right on my face and leave me empty.

Luckily, I’m not going crazier. I have my friends told me over and over to let him go, let him alone, and just focus on myself. They told me to focus on healing and be mindful about what I’ve been feeling these days. This time, I take that suggestion seriously because… yes, I’ve been hurting myself by lying about being happy and secure by being in a relationship.

This is not my first breakup. My faith about being in love and be loved is in big doubt right now. I don’t know if someday I’m going to choose the same thing, but really, this time I’m going to take all kind of responsibility to myself. I have my parents to take care. They’re actually already taking care of themselves better than me. I’m suck at keeping healthy

I don’t know how to put my feeling in words. I’ve been in doubt between keeping it to myself or telling it on the blog. But here I am, telling it to the world that I’m over it. Yes, he cut me off and I choose not to chase him anymore. Cause this time, it’s not worth chasing somebody who cut me off without any clear explanation. And also, I’m done begging.

I will try to live with this. I’m eager to make efforts to work harder while I'm progressing to heal.

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