The Idea of Smooth Sailing Relationship

July 01, 2018
I broke up with him

I was stoned for a while. Not because of marijuana, but after a friend in Thailand told me that exact statement. I know she had been in a relationship with his boyfriend, who's now an ex, for about 7 years with 2 years of long distance relationship in between. They already planned to get married as soon as my friend going back from Thailand. But, no, it doesn't happen. They broke up.

Why did they break up? The cheating game, played by her boyfriend. While my friend in Thailand, she was okay with everything. Nothing was wrong with their relationship, she thought. But then she realized that her boyfriend hid his affair so well. While she was in Thailand, he had been trying to be on some online dating apps. I can see how devastated it is for her. That's why when she rambled about it on social media, I didn't stop her. As a friend, I will just let her throw all those emotional thoughts she has. I thought, maybe that will make her feeling a little relieve or something.

To be honest, this 7 years relationship story with long distance relationship in between that end up with "tragic" break up is not the first story I got. A couple of weeks ago, I knew this guy who I met in social media, and he told me the exact same story. He had been in 7 years long distance relationship with his ex. When they were about to get married, the girl broke it up because she confessed to him that she was cheating on him.

When I asked him how was his feeling at that time, he said that he was about to commit a suicidal trial. But then he told me that he was cheating on his ex girlfriend before. His cheating game was actually the next level of cheating because it involved something physical... and it was more than just a kiss. And it wasn't just with 1 girl only. Yikes.
I judged him, yes. I thought, well, that's your karma. You played with fire, now you're burnt by the fire you played. I put aside his feeling and blame him for what he got. I don't care about how awful it was for him because, well, he cheated first. But then I realized, people can change. Maybe he asked her to marry him because he knew for sure that she's the one. Although, at the end, it's not her. Or it can be her, but not now.

This kind of struggle in relationship can drive us crazy, sometime. Me and my boyfriend has been through the similar phase and we are far from the term of "perfect couple". For me, especially, I think I'm the one who love creating drama between us. But so far, we overcome those struggles pretty well. Tough it's never easy, of course.

The key is honesty. I hide nothing from him and so does he. People somehow questioning how we can be open toward one another. That's just who we are. We have this urgency of tell things now or never. So, yes, we choose to be open and honest. And this method we choose will make us far from that kind of smooth sailing relationship.

Some people might do the different thing. They hide some "things" to make relationship seems "fine" when actually IT IS NOT. I was there before. I hid the fact that I did something wrong to my partner. But I'm not a good liar or maybe I couldn't lie good enough to actually hid it. So there it was, the truth. The truth will be revealed, sooner or later. It just the matter of time. We can hide it for a while, perhaps. But for what I can tell, we can't hold it any longer when our heart feels disturbed by the fact that we hide something.

For me, there's no room for smooth sailing relationship. It's biased. There will be obstacles in front of us. No matter how we try to avoid it, there will always be things to fight about with our partner. The thing is, how we overcome those obstacles. Communication is the key. When we feel disconnect, that's when we need to make time for re-connecting again.
After all, it won't always be love, love, and love. When we're married, it much more like the companionship that matters. We may not feel as passionate as before to our partner. But when we do want the relationship to stay like how it is, we can change the form of love from passionate to caring. Caring that one can't live without another. And I learn this from my parents' marriage.

All those thoughts about relationship, it's all up to us. We can choose to be open and honest about it then fight for it, or we can hide and avoid the obstacles then feel tortured because of it. Smooth sailing relationship might be a myth. But, standing for one another in a relationship can be something worth fighting for.


Ekalagi said...

You are a nice friend for not judging or stop the rambling of your devastated friend. :)

Hanifa said...

Ekalagi: That's all what I could do to support her :')

Hendi Setiyanto said...

hadeeuh jadi ingat gimana rasanya LDR yang naik turun...terus lama kelamaan luntur dan sudah bisa ditebak...berakhir...tapi kabar baiknya sekarang jadi teman dan masih berkomunikasi terus...
salam kenal dari banjarnegara dan maaf komennya pakai bahasa indonesia...

Hanifa said...

Hendi Setiyanto: Alhamdulillah masih komunikasi dengan baik :') Tidak apa2 kak. Makasih banyak sudah mampiiir :))

Fanny F Nila said...

Ini ngingetin aku zaman pacaran. Sebelum akhirnya memilih suami yg sekarang, sempet galau, karena aku juga punya hubungan dengan yg lain. So bisa dibilang, at that time, i was so very careful arranging the dating time antara aku dan 2 lelaki ini :D. Cheating dong berarti.. Yaaa, aku ga bakal ngelak kalo itu memang ga bener sebenernya. Tapiii, pada akhirnya toh aku memilih siapa yg memang pantes utk mnjadi suami :) . Dan setelah itu, ga ada lg cheating2an. Sudah sah, sudah halal, tangung jawabnya sudah ke Tuhan :)

Hanifa said...

Fanny F Nila: Entah kenapa cewek2 kayanya banyak yang gini buat cek2 ombak ato sekedar seeking for drama. Hahahaha. Iyah yang penting waktu nikah jangan gitu lagi ya Mbak :p

Meykke Santoso said...

I once had a relationship with a man for almost 5 years until someday he broke me up and brought up the reason thay he couldnt continue our relationship anylonger. The real reason was actually he was falling in love wigh somebody else and tried to be her lover. Well, it was so pathetic but thanks God now I found someone much better. :) We were in diff city but not really in LDR kind of stuff

Hanifa said...

Meykke Santoso: I imagined how hard it was for you and I'm glad that you finally overcome that situation. Hope that everything's working out for your relationship right now. You definitely deserve someone better and I hope he'd be the one for you :)

leovha said...

sebuah kisah dan pembelajaran hidup dalam cinta kasih dan pengorbanan,,,
Toh kita harus bisa menyadari, memberikan semua cinta kasih yang pada kita kepada orang yang kita sayangi adalah hal yang benar, toh ketika semuanya dikhianati, kamu akan mendapatkan yang terbaik dari sang Khalik, karena Dia tau kamu adalah orang yang baik,,,

sukses selalu buat hanifa dan ditunggu konten menarik lainnya

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